Using draft in our writing

Who: Dakota

What: Dakota was frightened  

When: When thunder shock, Dakota was frightened.

Where:As the moon rose, thunder shock, and Dakota was frightened.

Why: As the moon rose,thunder shock, and Dakota was frightened as he was walking his dog

Story: As the moon rose, lighting shock down to earth as Dakota was walking his dog, Dakota’s dog was frightened by the lighting so he was panicking.

Today we were learning to use draft to make our sentences stronger. DRAFT means Delete, Rearrange, Add, Fix and talk, we use this to fix our sentence.

Story Swap

A long time ago there was a house that was sitting there for centuries. The house had a creepy look to it. So I had a feeling to that I should go and check it out for myself. As I slowly walked up the stairs the creek in the wood got louder and louder then I finally open the door. I walked inside the house, the minute I stepped into the house my heart started racing and it felt like I missed a heart beat. As I walked more deeper and deeper into the house I started shaking like an earthquake was happening inside the room. So when i started shaking I had felt a shadow beside me like he was watching my every move I made. Room by room it got darker and darker so suddenly I came up to a room where there was lights to only find sometime that was only usable. Then BAM!! the door shut before my very eyes. I only had one way to get out, and that was to call call someone for help. So as I reached for my phone I finally call someone but none was there. So I tried again an finally someone picked up Yay but it felt like days went or even years pat. So I thought to my self would I have missing? 

Today, R5 have been doing writing. For writing we did 'Story Swap'. For this you had to write a recount about a picture that my teacher found

Jasmine and June-Ifaketext

This June and I Ifaketext we had a conversation about should we change the New Zealand flag.